Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Would you rather be RIGHT? or be HAPPY?

This phrase keeps echoing through my mind as I try to complete my "normal work". So how do I get rid of it?

Have you ever had a disagreement with a loved one? You're opinion and his/her opinion is different, you both want so bad to convince each other who is right and who is wrong.

Perhaps - it even comes down to low blows and bringing up past things that were said or done.

I remember seeing this presentation one time. A guy on a stage invites someone to come up, and he holds his hand out. The presenter pushes on the man's hand - and what does the man do instantly? - He pushes back

It is, of course, a natural re-action to push back when we feel pushed upon. Though it might always be the best response to the situation.

It also seems to be a "natural" human tendancy to try and bring others to our point of view, to change other people's minds so that they see the world the way we do - again this might not always be the best stratedgy to diffuse a rough situation

So what I hate about the idea of being "happy" over being "right" is the idea that I should just "shut up" and not give my opinion. Being in a situation where my opinion is unwanted or un-needed makes me know less happy then trying to be right.

But as I get older (and maybe wiser?) I start to look at this a bit differently. It comes back again to choosing our response vs our re-action. If you find yourself in a heated situation you can bet you are not choosing your response very wisely. Why? Because a properly choosen response should diffuse the situation and not increase it. I know from experiance this can be hard to accept in the heat of the moment, but we must remember, we cannot change others, we can only change ourself.

So the next time you find yourself in such a situation, STOP - take a minute and think.. am i choosing words that are helping or hindering? Did I start the conversation off in a way that tooks us off track? How can I bring us back ontrack?